I am often humbled by my apparent inability to control myself.

Perhaps keeping that realization in mind may do something to empower me and give me a less foul respect for chaos in the world.

Perhaps I should "ask" myself to do at least some things to better ensure credit to internal dialogue and debate, especially regarding lingering questions. Rather than simply "commanding" myself to do something with disregard to internal questions regarding surrounding issues of the matter.

It is easy to disappoint myself when there is plausible deniability, but I think the more we question myself, the less plausible deniability there is. I think with this in mind, it is possible that it may be even difficult to disappoint myself.

However, accepting truth may be the hardest part. Because I have witnessed things that I did not want to accept and even still, years later have trouble even contemplating what I have witnessed due to fear of what that contemplation may bring. When our minds change, our worlds change, but what if the change of our mind would bring about a world of dangerous uncertaintity? Perhaps the certaintity of anything other than "I exist" is as arguable as any other thing, no matter how extreme or mundane it may seem. When we gain a new belief, we often lose another, so how should we decide on which beliefs to seek purity for?

If truth could make perish beautiful things, should it still be sought? Is there a promise with truth that it is the most beautiful? And even if it is the most beautiful, is it worth the perishing of less beautiful things? Can those beautiful things even perish in the first place?

With new truths I find myself anew as fast as the truths come, but I lose myself each time as well.